Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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