well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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