Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
