I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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