Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
