she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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