I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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