Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
