Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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