Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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