I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
