I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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