My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
