sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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