you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
