literally had 100 drinks last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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