apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
