I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is my gift to your gina
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
