your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
