I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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