This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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