How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
