Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
