I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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