In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
