i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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