I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
