my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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