This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Damn victory sex feels great
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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