I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
