ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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