Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
it's great music for shaving your balls
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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