Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
