i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
