Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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