just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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