Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
