Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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