Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
