Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We smell like vodka and hangover
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