the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
