Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
