I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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