my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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