If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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