if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They have beer where we have blood.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
