This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
