Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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