there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
