trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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