even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
