3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
