drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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