i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
