I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
