At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
