I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
